Something is over. In the last one year, I tried to fix it, but I lost something. My loyalty.
I tried to go over it, but I can’t let it go without words…
I can’t tell, how much they and their music mean to me. But I wanted to tell it.. I was on it, every single year, to share with them, and just say personally a ’Thank You’ to them.
Maybe it’s a commonplace, but their music changed me and helped me so much. Helped me to come out from my cave where I locked myself in. It opened me and I was able to open to the world. I had to; because I wanted to see them live, hear them. I was motivated. I had to pull down my walls and push my limits out and do things I was afraid of.
It was a very hard time …I was antisocial, depressed, had panic attacks…I was scared of every new situations. Then I found them in 2010 and I started to feel….safety. I felt myself home in their music. It was like, I’ve found something, I was looking for for a long time.
I couldn’t believe when they announced a gig in 2011 for the summer in my country. I knew, it’s going to be the hardest day for me. Go to a strange place full of people, stand in the crowd during the gig…I couldn’t imagine how will I survive it. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. And I did it in every year, since then and it was easier and easier in every year. I started to enjoy these trips. Meet new people, visit new places…I was waiting for it! 4 years ago, I couldn’t imagine myself in the 3rd row surrounded by strangers, 250 km away from home and ENJOY ALL OF THESE THINGS! That’s why I’m thankful for them. I just wanted to let them know, it’s not just music what they do.
I went to the gigs every year and I was hoping that This is going to be the time when I can talk with them. In 2012, Adam came out to the fences after the show, for a few minutes, signed our things, he was so kind :) But sadly, we couldn’t take pics with him, or chat with him. So I thought, that Maybe next year! 2013 has come and I was standing at the backstage gate with the HurtsFamily. After 1,5 hours, a car left the backstage next to us, with the band in it. Theo waved behind the window and we were standing there like Really???!! No!!! But….really???!!! This was heartbreaking. Adam excused them on Instagram, because they had to catch a plane…it’s OK, we can understand it. Sadly, it couldn’t help the fact, that I can wait another year, for a ‘maybe’. Seeing them leaving, was a big disappointment.
I went over it, planning the next show, get back the feeling…and it’s 2014…and I was standing at the same place as one year ago. I’m sure they knew, that we were waiting there…1. Because of the other year’s experiences and 2. Because Paul was with us for a short time and he went back to the band (we asked him, to tell Theo&Adam, that we are there). After 2-2,5 hours, black windowed cars came out from the backstage next to us (AGAIN) and leave. We couldn’t see anything, who was inside the car. But I didn’t want to believe, that they were in there. As it said, ‘Never give up…’…OK! Still waiting. I was hoping, they come out for a few pics, like in the other countries, a hundred times before…that’s why I think, I didn’t expect more than the usual things.
After a 3,5 hour waiting, a backstage worker came out and he was surprised why we were still there, because The backstage is EMPTY, he said!!! And THIS was the moment, I lost everything.
This whole thing was disrespect. They left the festival without a word…just a ‘Sorry, we have to go.’ would have been enough…or a waving. I feel myself screwed. I know, I take it too personally, but I just expect the minimum level of respect between two people. Just let us know, that you’re gone and we won’t stand there like a stupid donkey for one more hour. For nothing, but this empty space inside me.
/Anyway, I’m very curious, why didn’t they come out to the (Hungarian) fans, again…?/
I was on a very high level of love, that’s why it hurts so much…and because the one who cracked it, was the beloved ones…I just want to get back my feelings, like 2 or 3 years before…this is time I draw the pic….
That’s the reason I left the Tumblr about a year ago…it was so hard to see those pics, fans with them over and over again on my dashboard. It’s funny (no, it’s not) but it hurts. Their name is really true.
Since then, I can’t listen to any of their songs…it makes me cry.
I hope, they won’t turn to that tipical way….as the number of the fan’s is growing, the more they step back from us…please, no.
Sorry for my grammar, sorry for these negative (sad) thoughts, but I have to let it go somehow…and THANK YOU, if You still reading these rows :)
‘Loving a band with all your heart is something you only understand when it happens to you. Others can see it as a obsession. It’s hard to explain it to them, the listening to song after song on repeat, the waits for new albums, the excitement and surreal sensation when you finally see them live.’